A Child’s Alphabet of the World of Bush

This is a work in progress. I was making a list of things that bother me about the Bush administration and noticed that they fell easily into alphabetical order. Then limericks began to come. I really don’t have time right now to work up 26 limericks – or even to finish off the alphabet – so I thought I would put it out there for contributions. Sends your entries to clw@clwebber.com.

Airline safety
The airplanes that fly in the sky
Will wear out, no doubt, by and by,
But let’s just relax
And not check them for cracks
If it costs us too much to comply.

Billionaires tax relief
If you think that your taxes are high,
You should see why the billionaires cry:
Without help, they insist,
They can barely exist.
Well, it’s tough, but I’m willing to try!

Contracting out defense work: Problems getting enough enlistments? Blackwater gets plenty of people to work for them because they pay better. Why should the government have to pay an army when free enterprise can take care of our defense? Besides, if the government spends all the money on free enterprise defense, we won’t have any left for health care.

Drug cost: if people want better drug coverage, we can help the drug companies provide it

Environment: it’s still cooler in New England than in Texas so what’s the problem?

Food: let’s help the farmers by encouraging them to grow more corn and use it for fuel. Of course the farmers will need more fuel for their tractors and there may not be enough food for everyone, but the mid-west will vote Republican.

Gun control: so a bunch of college kids got shot; it’s still safer on campus than in Iraq

Health care: can’t afford better health care because there’s a war on.

Iraq: the famous presidents are the ones who got us into big wars so we need one for our record (of course, there was also Jefferson Davis)

Justice Dept: we need District Attorneys who will concentrate on voter fraud and find out why we might have lost two elections without some last minute rigging of the results

Katrina: is it our fault if people choose to live behind levees the government didn’t build properly?

Left behind (No child): if children learn to memorize answers and not think critically, they’ll be able to remember Bush’s name but not to exercise critical judgment about his job performance.

Mortgage Mess: let’s rescue the banks that made bad decisions but why should we help people who made bad decisions?

Nucular energy: can’t pronounce it so we can’t let the Iranians get it.

Oval office: where the Decider sits.

President: if the President is the chief executive, why should other people be allowed to interfere?

Quagmire: soft ground such as might be found in Vietnam but not in the Middle East.

Republican party: So who needs New England when we can steal elections in Florida and Ohio?

Stock exchange: we can’t let Bear Sterns fail because wealthy people would lose money.

Tax collecting: we cut back funding for the IRS because it annoys people to have tax collectors come around, so then we had to hire private contractors to bug people instead. We’d all rather be bugged by the free enterprise system than the government.

United States: Texas and 49 other places.

Veterans administration: if we spend all that money on getting troops to Iraq, where will be find the money to care for them when they come back with injuries?

Washington: we always said Washington was the problem, and, as you can see, we were right!

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