Move the Line!

As the news reports came in over the last 24 hours, it became increasingly evident that the United States had, once again, fallen victim to a vast international liberal conspiracy to destroy this country and abrogate its rightful place in the world. Where did coverage of the New Year begin? In Australia! At the bottom of the world and as far from here as you can go! How could anything possibly begin in Australia?

As time wore on, the anomalous situation was rubbed in further with pictures of fireworks over the Kremlin. Russia was celebrating New Year’s Day and we were not yet allowed to do so in America! Then we were shown Paris and London, old world capitols! How could a new year begin in an old world? Clearly sinister forces were at work.

A little research reveals that the so-called International Date Line was established by an Anglo-French Treaty in 1917 and has never been agreed to by any formal action of the United States government. Countries are quite free to establish their own time zones and even move the International Date Line for their convenience. Kiribati, for example, moved the line – or itself; it isn’t clear which – in 1995 to make itself the first country to begin a new year. Kiribati! If they can why can’t we? Look at the squiggles in the line below and ask yourself whether that’s geography or politics!

There was a time when the New Year could have begun in America. Alaska used to be west of the line, but when the United States bought Alaska from Russia the Russians outfoxed us as usual by moving the line west and keeping New Year’s Day for themselves. If Sarah Palin had been governor at the time, that wouldn’t have happened. She could have seen for herself what the Russians were up to over there and frozen them in their tracks.

Obviously the Unites States is where time begins and it’s time for Congress to say so. There might be some trouble from New Hampshire wanting the new year to begin there so they could always have the first primary but obviously the line could be drawn to place Maine in a time zone further west. Aside from a few people in Maine, who would notice? Nebraska might be more difficult but Congress could include a codicil paying off Nebraska with another health care subsidy.

Liberals can be expected to make a fuss because it will make Barack Obama’s time as president one day shorter. But how much longer to we have to put up with the Liberal-leftist assault on American values? Today ought to be January 2, one day closer to the next election. Let’s make it so. Start today to put things right: postdate all your checks and other documents by one day starting now. Eventually the government will have to conform its records to the popular will – and we will save money doing it!

Send this message to ten other people and before you know it things will change!

Move the line! Move the line NOW! Put America where it belongs!